George Burns

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair

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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick

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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed

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Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them