• What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife

    Rodney Dangerfield
  • I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof

    Rodney Dangerfield
  • When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them

    Rodney Dangerfield
  • I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio

    Rodney Dangerfield
  • I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender

    Rodney Dangerfield
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