• Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol

    Steve Martin
  • Be so good they can't ignore you

    Steve Martin
  • I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart

    Steve Martin
  • Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration

    Steve Martin
  • I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too

    Steve Martin
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